Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I didn't cry the first time, 4 months ago. I'm referring to the first time baby A had her sedative drug. The nurse had to force feed her and she was wailing. This is the drug which she has to take before the cardiac scan.
Last Thursday was a follow up to check that the 2 tiny holes have more or less closed up. I dread putting her through the scan so soon but due to her sleeping habit(extra long hours), I was worried that it has got something to do with the holes in the heart .

This time, she was wailing very badly and looked like she was going into fits. A look at the syringe, I saw that there's still half a syringe of drug to administer. That's when I couldn't hold my tears anymore. I was tearing badly now, in the clinic full of parents and children. And there's no one with me, just myself and the baby. I had to use the tissue which I'm suppose to clean her mouth with, to wipe away my tears.

I was pretty embarrassed for crying. But the crying made me realised that I've bond with the baby. The experience at the clinic was very emotional draining. After we left the clinic, I was traumatised and couldn't stop worrying about her. She slept for another 5 hours. The holes in the heart have more or less closed up and there's only a gap which we will follow up when she's 1 yr old.

Next time, I will make sure that hubby witness it too.


Rachel said...

Motherhood creates emotional wrecks out of us...I am like that too :) Continue trusting God for Ada's complete healing.

Isaiah 53:4-5
Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken,Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.

Just Me. said...

yes yes, bring the husband along.

I am the biggest wuss. I can't bear to see him in pain.