Home Interview and more!

The office interview went well. I thought we wouldn't take up 3 hours but we did!
The interview was conducted with both of us for an hour or so. Thereafter, individually for an hour. It was pretty embarrassing when I broke down a bit. The social worker asked about difficulties in my marriage and infertility was the only and the hardest to deal with.
I'm quite surprised with some of my hubby's answers to some questions.
For example:
SW: When was the last time both of you fought?
Myself: Hmm....and (thinking very hard)

Hubby: (Immediately) It was 2 months ago .
Myself (Thinking what was the fight about)

SW: What was the fight about?
Hubby: It was about a bad investment I made.

First of all, I'm really surprise that he can remember bad things that happened so well!

It was a fun interview except that hubby gave some wrong answers. SW asked if we are ready if the baby would to arrive at a short notice and hubby said that 'we would have a maid and my mother to help out'. I feel that is so wrong because we can't rely on other people. I quickly chip in to say that I'm entitled 2 months of adoption leave.

Anyway, it has been 3 weeks from the office interview. I'm scheduled for a 'home interview' next Tuesday. Some girls in the forum told me that I can start to call the agent so that she can keep a lookout for the available baby. So I did this morning, I called up the agent and asked to see her next Tuesday before my home interview. She gladly said that I can visit her and that she has a baby girl to show me!! A BABY GIRL??? NOW?!?!
I was so excited I was shaking. Agent said that at this rate, I should be able to get my home study approval end of the month. If I have a connection with the baby, she will keep the baby for me!! I was going to faint from the excitment! I immediately said yes to seeing her next Tuesday.

After I put down the phone and shared the news with my husband, I realised that I want to see the baby now!!! So, I sms the agent and asked to see the baby tomorrow afternoon. She said Yes .
I'm sorry if this post shock you cos it shock me too!! I will keep you updated!!

Office Interview!

Latest Update: I'm scheduled for an office interview with the service centre handling our adoption procedure on the 28th of September!

By office interview, they will access to see if we are what we wrote about ourselves in the application forms.

I'm very happy that things are progessing very quickly without me having to be too anxious.

At this rate, we might be able to get our approval from the ministry end of October or beginning of November.
Thereafter, we will be able to speak to the agent who will help us with the assignment of baby to us.

In the meantime, I'm tidying my house and clearing out the unwanted stuff so that I have space for the baby's clothes. I'm also keeping a lookout of the prams I want to buy! Last week, I found myself checking out the baby formula at te supermarket! I'm glad that the 24hours supermarket near my house stock many different type milk powder.

will keep you updated about the happenings again.

Into the next stage

I've submitting the forms!! Yay! I handed the file to the agent who will conduct the 'Home Study Review' personally. They are all filed properly in clear holders and bind in a file.

I hope that they are neat enough for the officers and they won't have problem looking for the documents.

Filling the forms weren't hard. Getting the various supporting documents were more challenging. As the documents are coming together quickly while I hurried to put everything together, someone in the forum received her baby, in just 2 months!! We were all shocked! I lowered a gear and paused because I haven't told my boss yet! I was going to take 2 months of adoption leave and this will be too sudden for them. Hence, I quickly informed them about my decisions. They were very supportive and willing to take over my work while I'm away.

I was also reviewing the situation and making sure that I'm ready. Funny that as I'm finishing up the paper works, there seems to be a small voice in me, asking me if I"m ready. I started to question myself about whether I can commit being a mother, if I can leave work for home early, if I will be able to spend enough time with the baby, if I'm willing to sacrifice sleeping time and no more friday drinks. And I find myself disqualifying myself and concluded that's the reason why I haven't had a baby! Because God thinks that I'm not ready!

Why is it that when I was trying for a baby, I never thought of such things?? With adoption, I just keep doubting myself. It's really weird.

Anyhow, I quickly completed the forms and compile all the documents together and submitted on 25th of August. I did not want to hold it off any longer. I was very happy after I hand delivered it to the service centre which will conduct the home study report.

They wrote me an email 3 days ago, telling me that they are going through my documents and will arrange for an interview in 1-2 months time. A friend from the forum received the same email but was scheduled for interview the very same week! I think I was tearing when I received the acknowledgement letter. It gave me the feeling that I will be holding a baby soon. I know the rest will be fast and furious and the girls at the forum is warning me to start getting enough sleep because the baby will require alot of attention.

I've to start praying for my baby soon.

What I'm up to

Since 2 weeks ago, DH and I are filling up the adoption papers. There are alot of papers to fill up and alot of documentations to file! There's a checklist to tick off the documents we have to provide.

DH was really dreading filling up his personal history form as there were 6 pages!

It reminds himself of those days when he had to take examination in school.

I was putting the forms, bank statements, employers' letter, insurance coverage, etc, together.

Glad to say that we are 90% complete. The last is to have a medical checkup.

Towards the last stage of completing the forms, I started having cold feet. One of the girl in the forum I followed, received her adopted baby about 2.5 months after she submitted the 'Home Study Report(HSR)'. She submitted and the ministry approved in 1.5 months and she went to an agency and adopted a baby from a neighboring country. She's so lucky. I didn't expect the process to be so fast! If it could be so fast, I have to inform my bosses because I'm entitled 2 months of adoption leave! I want to be able to take that leave and spend time to bond with my baby.

So, I'm having cold feet! I started to think about my work because I want to knock off on time and not work till 8pm anymore. It's a norm for people in Singapore to work late. Certainly, I do not want to work late and leave the child to my mother in law. That's unfair to her.

I started to think about having to wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby too. But I don't think I will have problem with that because I will certainly look forward to that! :))

Then, I started to think about having to forgo my friday night drinks, to rush home to baby!

Somehow, I'm thinking that adopting is different. For adoption, things happen quicker.

I know I shouldn't have any cold feet but I'm really preparing to sacrifice. I don't want to think that I can still lead a similar lifestyle and still have a baby. Things might turn out different. I want to think about living without my personal pleasure first and slowly fit them in when I can handle the baby better or have more free time.

If I lead the usual lifestyle I have, I will only have 1 or 2 hours with the baby and that is simply not enough.

Sometimes, I'm thinking too much. All I need to do is submit the form quickly! I've told my families, my parents and my mother-in-law and they are open and supportive respectively. My mom gave some stupid remarks that the parents of the baby not to be shady background but how the hell am I going to guarantee that?!

I'll keep you updated on the progress once I submit the forms.

I'm not pregnant again

My heart is heavy as I think of how to title my new post.

Yesterday, my period came and it is definitely not implantation bleeding.

Yes, I was sad but also snapped out of it quickly. I decided on no more IVF.

I recalled that before I tried IVF, I told myself then that I would only try IVF once. I do not want

to live till 40 before regretting not trying IVF. Now that I have had 1 FET and 2 fresh IVF,

I have exceeded my quota. I do not want to waste my leave, time, effort and money on stupid

procedures and be disappointed again.

Now, I will just let nature take its course. I have lost out on the baby race and I have to just SUCK IT UP! A friend just conceived recently and I remember how she announce it to me. Somehow, I felt that she was very conceded that she conceived quicker. That irks me.

As I consolation, I found myself filling up the adoption papers.

I'm not sure if that's what I will do next but I had peace while doing that.

DH was very disappointed after I told him that my period came when

he came back from golf.

We didn't talk much and in the evening we took a long walk at the beach.

We didn't even held hands at the first half of the walk. I guess it's the man

way of handling disappointment. As I was more emotional stable, he didn't

had to comfort me and could handle his own disappointment.

I'm totally surrending to God. I'm happy that I do not have to do IVF anymore and that is liberating! Next year, I intend to plan more short holidays with DH, instead of wasting leave on bloody IVF.

Prayers

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests by made known to God;

Phil 4:6

I believe in prayers but not believe in hounding God for the requests that I have. I also thought that prayer for a baby everyday will stress myself out and I will be reminded of my desire to have a baby everyday. That's why, I never practise 'praying about it'.

However, lately, after reading some books, I decided to pray more. It's amazing how prayers work. As I pray everyday, i gain more inner peace and worry less too. I tell God about my life and leave with him my burden. With that, I fear less and gain more faith too.

I'm ashame that I'm only learning to be a christian after being one for more than 20 years. I'm definitely missing out.

it's 7dp3dt and I hope it's not too late for me to say the prayers I had to say now!!

4dp3dt

Today, I got out of the house to go for a hormones blood test. It's my first day out. I haven't received any call yet so it means that there's enough hormones in me and I don't have to up my medication dosage.

Thereafter, I dropped off a watch for servicing and had a good lunch at a nice mediterranean restaurant beside the service centre. What I'm saying is that I didn't walk alot or making a lot of stopover in case you think that I shouldn't be walking around too much. The lunch is some sort of a treat. There were only myself and three housewives with 3 cute kiddos in the restaurant and it was really relaxing time.

After lunch, I was really tempted to go for a hair perm but was hesitant as it would mena that I have to make another trip and also meant that I have to walk a short distance to the hair salon after parking my car. I convinced myself that if I look good after my hair perm, it will be good for my well-being. Moreover, once I'm at the hair salon, I would have to sit there for a good 3 hours and that's better than walking around at home.

Some people think that I should be bedridden the entire 2 weeks and initially I agreed but now, as the bloatiness is gone and I feel less pregnant and I'm not motivated at all. Beside, I will go crazy and that's so not good for my health. The doctor didn't encourage staying in bed too. If you think about it, most of the people who got pregnant didn't stay in bed for 2 weeks too!

My hair perm turned out great and I really love it!

I'll be in bed for a couple of hours and will be enjoying dinner with two girlfriends. They say that catching up with girlfriends is good for the progesterone. :))